041: The Cost of Men’s Sexual Shame

In Podcast, Sexuality by Robert Kandell2 Comments

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I have 17.5 years of self-development work.
I have been an owner of an international company based on female orgasm.
I have done extensive internal work including therapy, 12-step work, courses and self-introspection.
I have a loving partner who encourages me to bring to her all my carnal sexual thoughts.
And I still have shame around my sex.

“Is it too much? Am I too much?”

We live in a society of disapproval. Intense disapproval that you’re not doing it right. EVER. The role of men’s sexual desire is a place where you especially doing it wrong.

The cost is extensive:

  • Porn
  • Cheating
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Alcoholism and drug use
  • Lack of interest in being in a committed relationship.

It has led to the Tinder-based world where the next things is one swipe away. Which means, I’m not going to show up. It leads to sites like seekingarrangements.com. It leads to escorts being the place where men bring their intimacy.

BTW: All of this is right. But is it leading us to the intimacy we truly want?

On this week’s Tuff Love, we raise the cost of sexual shame in men. I will be working directly with a friend of mine, a successful NYC Escort, on her experiences of relating with men in her most interesting world.

Come be part of this all-important conversation.

  • Mr.B

    It can go much deeper than that.
    Especially if sexual abuse is in one’s history.
    Sexual energy is the fuel of our creative endeavors.
    If blocked the consequences are systemic.
    As if our staff of authority has been taken
    From us. Standing erect in our own authority
    Becomes very hard to do if shame has made a
    Rule that we are bad for expressing our core masculinity.

    • Robert Kandell

      Thank you my brother. I whole heartedly-agree. Shame can go down to the core of our bones. It is the withholding that is the cancer. It is the release that brings us sanity.