057: Traveling? Me? Part 2/2

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LISTEN TO PART ONE: http://tufflove.live/056-traveling-me-p12/

Welcome back to Tuff Love, with your host, Rob Kandell. This is part 2 of Traveling? Me? Two weeks ago, Rob went on a trip with Morgan to Costa Rica. She was in a week long training, and Rob ended up with a week in Costa Rica by himself and he was nervous. It was out of his element, he was uncomfortable with the concept of traveling. The reason? Fear of the unknown.

How often do we live in the fear of the unknown? For some travelers and gypsies, jumping into a new country without a plan is heaven. For control freaks like Rob, who like order and schedules and structures, a week by himself without a plan was scary. It was scary for Morgan in a way too because she was nervous that Rob would had a bad time.

He considered not going, but he decided to see this experience as a challenge. He said, ‘Hell yes,’ jumped on a plane, rented a car and went to a luxury resort for the first night. Rob highly recommends the Peace Lodge in Costa Rica.

After traveling to a new town, Atenas, Morgan went to her conference, and Rob went to an Air B’n’B by himself. It was a new feeling of silence for him. He’s always dynamic and loud, in motion and creation. Although he’s done some meditation retreats, 0.001% of Rob’s life is silence. On his first night on his own, in the silence, a storm came in. It really matched what Rob was feeling, and for the first time the silence was nurturing.

Rob then travelled to a place called Rebis, where his friends Ben and Jen live. In Costa Rica, most roads are single lane, up hill and full of trucks that don’t go very fast. So much of the trip, you’re in a long caravan line going slowly. Rob’s hyper LA driver wants to move fast and be efficient, but all he could do is slow down and enjoy the ride. When you drive slower, you get to see more, you get to take in the beauty and the little details of life. It was extremely different from the Rob Kandell we all know and love! He was just relaxed and patient, and felt a weight off his shoulders. Eventually he got to Ben’s place, Rise, and enjoyed catching up.

Rob then went to Playa Hermosa, but didn’t like it. He trusted himself so he went one town to the north, Playa Jaco, and eventually found a nice hotel, Oceana Jaco. What Rob learned on this trip was that he actually likes decadence, and he’s at a point in his life where he can afford it. He enjoyed treating himself and taking care of himself, getting room service, a massage and watching Netflix in the room. In fact, it gave him a thrill to fully take care of himself after the struggles of 2016.

He finally made it to Nosara, where friends had suggested he go. It’s a rinky-dink town with a cool vibe and Rob goes to a lodge on a hill suggested by his guidebook. It turns out to be more expensive than expected, but Rob manages to negotiate a better deal for a very classy room. And then, in an infinity pool with a 180-degree view of the water, while the sun is setting, Rob had a spiritual moment. He felt joy from his toes up to his head, then he felt some trauma that he’s been holding wash away with the water of the pool, and he felt totally relaxed. Totally sober, by himself, he felt this total sense of his life being amazing. Rob learned that when he says yes to adventure, yes to these new experiences, yes to desire, through his fear, the reward is life-changing moments. He will never forget that moment.

Here are a few of Rob’s Tuff Love travel tips:

  • Get a car with power, especially on roads with big trucks, or on rocky/dirt roads.
  • Always get a GPS because your phone doesn’t always work
  • Pick a place, don’t read about it, don’t think about it, just go. Trust your instincts. Really believe in yourself and that you know what you’re doing.
  • Whenever possible, don’t listen to the radio or books. Sit in the silence and let your mind explore the edges you don’t normally explore.

Rob coaches Jesse, in San Hose, and they talk about his similar experience of a spiritual moment, camping in Death Valley.

  • Jesse has got everything he came to California for. He got a level of awareness around how amazing his life is. 2016 was a heck of a year for him, but he has gratitude for what he learnt.
  • Most of his life has just been steady, but 2016 had a lot of highs and lows. He grew up very structured, life was nothing but school and sports. He went to college in his hometown and got his first job. It was when he moved to London after layoffs in his job that opened up his world.
  • Jesse became a traveller, from the age of 24 until last year, very nomadic with no plan. He’s come to realize now that he’s focusing on creating the life he wants, that although he loves the unstructured travelling life while he’s travelling, he hates that lack of structure when he’s living in Los Angeles. That’s when he’s most productive and happy.
  • Jesse has learned the value of commitment because he now sees that he had a lot of missed experiences resulted from his lack of committing. He’s made a lot of good decisions lately too, which he congratulates himself for as well, as being indecisive is something he’s worked on.
  • Jesse is now starting a lot of different things and wonders how to avoid getting overwhelmed by best prioritizing his life.
  • Rob says the main thing to do is figure out your top goals. It’s hard for a lot of people because goals shift, or they think the goal is one thing, but it’s really another. We lie to ourselves a lot so you have to look into your heart and figure out what your top goal is. What is the thing that drive you the most? Then, figure out your secondary and tertiary goals.
  • Once you have your top goals, then you can see, when you look at the list of to-dos on a weekly, monthly basis, whether these projects are in line with goals. You do a reconciliation of activity vs. goals.
  • Rob recommends setting your goals monthly for most people, and revisit and reassess them each month. Make sure your actions are in line with your goals.
  • Health is always number 1. Mental health, physical health, then everything else.
  • Jesse’s top goals have shifted recently. He feels like he has done a good job of getting his actions in line.
  • Rob’s advices that you be realistic and honest with yourself. When you’re in line with your goal, you feel the energy. When you’re going against your goals, that’s when things get really challenging.

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