Welcome to another episode of Tuff Love with Rob Kandell. The show today is about the concept of bending time—Rob’s version of time management. Morgan always asks how Rob gets so much done and it’s because of this bending time ability. When he did some research on the concept of bending time he found references to it being sort of a Buddhist meditative way, to do with time not being linear and linking it with Einstein’s theory of relativity.
However, Rob would rather give you the New York Jew pragmatic version of how to bend time and how to be super efficient, because that’s who he is. There’s something about time management that is a game for him and he gets a lot of shit done! He thinks of everything in life in terms of a game. He thinks of how to move his pieces (him, his money, his employees, his work) from point A to point B in the most efficient way. Some of his systems and desire to be efficient might drive some of you crazy. He’s always thinking about the most optimal, fastest way because it’s a game to him. So the caveat to this show is this: don’t do what Rob does, unless you really want to do what Rob does!
Rob recommends watching the 1993 Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day because that’s what most of us do: we keep reliving the same thing over and over again and then bemoaning the fact that things aren’t getting better. If you’re in the world where you find yourself recycling over and over again, and you’re not happy with the results, guess what? Do something different!
You have the power to do something different and the only one you have to blame if you’re stuck in a pattern is YOU! You’re in control of your own destiny 99.9% of the time.
Rob also has a book recommendation: Cal Newport’s Be Too Good They Can’t Ignore You. Here are Rob’s notes and reflections on it and how it relates to the concept of bending time:
- Deep work is professional activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration that push your cognitive capabilities to their limit. These efforts create new value, improve your skill and are hard to replicate. Deep work is when you push away all distractions to get into
- Shallow work: non cognitive demanding logistical style tasks, often performed while distracted or multi-tasking. These efforts tend to not create much value in the world and are easy to replicate.
- The multi-tasking that so many of us do is shallow work. Trying to do two things at once. Shallow work is often where we spend most of our time.
- You’re not to blame—this is the way society is going. The advent of social media, text messaging, group meet, all these things keep us distracted and keep us in shallow work.
- You can create a whole career out of shallow work and probably make enough money to sustain you. But in Rob’s experience, you need to go into deep work, creativity and get outside the norm to surpass the mediocrity that is most of our lives.
- This applies to relationship as well. If your relationship is not fulfilling, you can go to a place where you truly discover the deeper things that you want.
- The way Rob works is something he learned in the restaurant business. He recommends to all young people to spend 6 months working in the restaurant business. There are vast skills you can learn there.
- One of the tricks Rob learned there is around the concept of efficiency. Restaurants are set up with the kitchen in the back, the tables in the front and you get a section of those tables to work. Everything you needed for the customers was in the back and it wasn’t a quick in and out.
- Rob started thinking about the most efficient ways to get the things from the back. He started to plan ahead because anything he could do to make himself more efficient impacted his tips.
- In order to bend time you must have some form of awareness around planning ahead. You must take that time to think. However, there’s a balance between thinking too little and thinking too much, and the sweet spot is the core of bending time.
- If you think too little then you’re frantically running around trying to finish tasks. But if you think too much then you’re constantly on the sidelines planning and getting nothing done.
- Every day Rob works, he uses his schedule, and has even included time for deep work. In that time he will not have phone calls, he will turn off social media, turn off notifications on the computer and do whatever it takes to spend 8 hours of his week focusing on the book.
Rob’s specific tips and tricks to increase your ability to bend time:
- Plan ahead. Se above.
- Reflect. Optimize. When you’re in a place where you want to tweak and increase your timing. A lot of us go into plans of actions and just implement before we think.
- Remove or delay that which is not optimal. If a thing is not optimal to your life mission, don’t do it!
- Do it. A lot of us have a lot of fear about execution. We have fear about actually doing the thing, and afraid that once we start a cycle we’re stuck in a cycle, which keeps us in the state of being frozen.
- Remove distractions. The number 1 distraction is social media and emails. Isolate when you work on social media and emails, get in and get out.
- Learn to leverage. This is the hardest one possible. You’ll never reach a million dollar business working as a one-man-band.
- Pick your battles. Be willing to look at where you are spending your time. Be careful where you spend your energy.
- Embrace your miscues. Most people spend a lot of time beating themselves up for their miscues, but it’s a waste of time. Embrace them, learn from them, apologize and then be willing to move on.
Rob coaches Loren and they discuss his pattern of execution (or lack thereof) around money. They get to the root of the matter and look at the feelings around it.
- Loren feels he often gets overwhelmed with something he’s trying to do, then doesn’t actually do the things that need to be done, gets on distractions and then beats himself up for not doing the things.
- Rob hears a fear of not being liked, which has led to a problem with boundaries. Because of the lack of boundaries, Loren won’t look at the foundation, which is money. However, it’s not really about the money but more about the fear of not being liked.
- You are an intelligent person, you are a powerful person, you are moving around in the world. You do have the ability to make money but if you don’t confront it, if you let your fear of x, y and z control your life, that will fuck up your innate skill to produce.
- Rob tells a story of a past client that exemplifies how it is actually our underlying fears, not the money itself, that control our behavior around it. For example, earning more than your nuclear family is about the fear of alienating your family that creates the block to earning the money.
- Rob has also had the experience of having blocks like this, that manifested in the way he set his coaching rates. In 2016, they were the same as they were in 2007. Then he was able to increase his rates.
- Money is rarely the thing that stops us from being in flow. It’s our fear.
- Loren feels he has a block around the possibility of attaining and even dreaming bigger.
- The fear of success is often greater than the fear of failure. With expansion comes responsibility. We’re so good at diminishing ourselves and staying at the same strata that we’re in.
- You have to change the internal story, which can be hard to do.
- The removal of distractions is a huge piece for Loren. He has a lot he wants to do but doesn’t have the structure to get things done. Post-work there are a certain amount of hours, but how he is using that time doesn’t necessarily keep him on point.
- Explore the fear of not being liked or not being accepted if you were successful. How do you perceive that it would affect your relationships? If you were less liked because you were successful, how would that affect you? Be honest with yourself about that.
- Invest in a software called Quicken. It’s about $100. It’s a way to download your transactions from your credit cards, transaction accounts, investment accounts and put them in one place. It informs Rob and helps him confront his money, as well as helping him stay in conversation about it with Morgan. It allows you to be in relationship with the facts of your money. All it has to take is 15 minutes per day.
- When you spend more money than you budget for, don’t beat yourself up, use the fact to educate yourself and confront it.
- Create yourself the optimal schedule. You can do it with a calendar grid in a document, or use Google Calendar. It’s not the Bible but it creates a guideline for you to follow.
- Get an accountability buddy. It is so hard to make changes in isolation. It is so hard to do this life by yourself. It’s possible but it’s hard.
Fear to Rob can be something that keeps you locked in or something that inspires you. Let it inspire you.