064: How to Set & Keep Goals

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Welcome to another episode of Tuff Love with Rob Kandell. This show is about how to set and keep goals. For some that is very easy, but for most it’s very challenging. On some level, that’s why the coaching business exists—to help people to set and achieve their goals.

Rob has been pretty good at this his whole life, innately. However, from his thousands of conversations in workshops and one-on-one coaching he knows most people suck at it. They set goals and they think it’s really important, but all of a sudden they’re miles away from their goals.

Rob has talked before on the show about being an overweight kid and how some of that emotionally stays with him despite not being an overweight adult. Body image is something we all face, and for Rob it’s still a tension. Throughout the years, his weight has fluctuated and he’s been noticing the physiological changes of his body especially as he gets older. In the winter of 2012, Rob was traveling, working for One Taste, eating poorly and was feeling out of shape and bloated.

He decided to commit to doing 30 days of core power yoga. After buying a one-month membership, Rob decided to hold himself accountable by posting on his Facebook page every time he went to yoga in that month. He felt highly successful and accomplished. But, after the challenge, he went back to his old habits. Rob did try Crossfit, but that didn’t last as it resulted in being unable to walk!

For the last year and a half, Rob has struggled with an exercise schedule. He joined Equinox, a beautiful gym, and did a number of classes. But nothing clicked and for the last 6 months it’s been really challenging. He wants to get in shape but haven’t been able to, there’s been a block. When Rob landed a gig to teach at Lightning in a Bottle Music Festival, he used it as a goal to get fit by. He needs to get a lot of video from this event to support his speaking career. Working with what has worked for him before, Rob has returned to Core Power Yoga.

Life feels so much better now that Rob has set a goal and is keeping it:

  • Once you achieve a goal, if you don’t set the next goal, you will flail.
  • When you set yourself up with something that’s challenging, terrifying, beyond your scope, life will improve if you start to make moves towards it.
  • Remember, that you’re worth setting goals to improve your life. A lot of people don’t set goals or keep their goals because they don’t think they’re worth it. You ARE worth it.
  • Use SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time bonded (or Terrifying!). Getting detailed in this way can help you achieve your goal. Rob’s yoga goal is a SMART goal.
  • A lot of people set goals that are totally unattainable, and put themselves in a situation where they’re shooting themselves in the foot from the start.
  • Set the goal that really will enhance your life specifically.
  • Zig Ziglar says, “One person who is committed is worth more than 100 who are interested.”
  • There are studies that say if you have a goal or working out 3 or 4 times per week, and you miss one of those workouts, it’s significantly more difficult to make it to the next work out.
  • It’s when you’re in the routine that you actually build the momentum to succeed.
  • Dream big. You have one life to live.
  • Success begets more success.. When you believe in yourself, that’s when things really happen.

Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar has 10 suggestions for how to set goals:

  1. Build a solid foundation.
  2. Make the commitment.
  3. Break it down. Break immediate and long-range goals into increments.
  4. See it. Imagine it. Connect to it. Know it. Believe it.
  5. Hold yourself accountable.
  6. Expect change. Allow change but make sure they’re in line with your goal.
  7. Tell people!
  8. Be a team player. Work with other people and allow them to help you.
  9. Write it all down.

Rob coaches Joshua. He shares in Rob’s experience of being a fat kid and the demons that come out when travelling. Joshua is in a place of changing goals or losing track of his goals.

  • Joshua’s current lifestyle of travelling for work is taking him away from his more fulfilling, life purpose goals.
  • Joshua needs to take care of his foundation. It was a smart move to take that job and take care of the foundation of life. We beat ourselves up for a lot of our choices because we forget the original motivation, e.g. you gotta eat!
  • The foundation piece is swallowing up your purpose. We have these diversions away from our life purpose. It happens a lot.
  • The contradictory piece is that if you’re not being pulled towards something—modeling and acting in Joshua’s case—it’s possible that’s not your life purpose. You need to really tap into your own personal belief system and keep reevaluating that piece.
  • You have to figure out the balance between the two—foundation and purpose—but you have to keep reevaluating as well.
  • Joshua thinks is purpose is actually more to do with helping others discovering who they truly are and work through their programming. Perhaps the modeling and acting is a passion project.
  • You don’t want to be coached by someone who is perfect. You want to be coached by someone that fell down some serious holes and figured out how to climb out.
  • For Joshua, he’s at this place where he’s gathering life experiences now. Enjoy it, check out everything you want to check out, pull yourself in all those places. That way, when he is ready to impact the world, he has substance and integrity. He won’t be talking theoretical, he’ll be real.
  • Take the pressure off yourself that you need to know right now, and explore all the edges of life.
  • You always want money projects and sexy projects. The money projects pay the bills and set your foundation. Then you have your sexy projects. They’re the ones that don’t necessarily pay the bills but they really turn you on. Find the balance between the two.
  • Joshua is beating himself up a lot and he still has a voice in him that tells him he could do things better or differently. Rob had that same experience, for him it was his Dad’s voice, but he used it to drive him forward instead. There is a way to take the energy of it and flip it.
  • Society says, ‘you’re doing it wrong.’ We live in a society of disapproval. Your ability to take these voices to motivate you is a master’s trick. Feel into those voices and let them empower you and light you up. Be approving of yourself, it’s really important.

 

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