TL 58 | Courageous Communication

058: Courageous Communication with Elizabeth DiAlto

TL 58 | Courageous Communication

Women have somehow been taught to push down their feelings. Author, speaker and mentor, Elizabeth DiAlto, helps women see and empower themselves through her company, Untame Yourself. She believes courageous communication can enhance your life and your relationships. Courageous communication means being willing to say the things you don’t want to say with a lot of love and compassion and being willing to own your side of things. People are afraid of speaking up for themselves and owning what’s true for them and what might be the consequences for that. Elizabeth’s process starts with having her clients outline the outcome they want from speaking their truth, what their truth is, and what they’re afraid will happen. Learn more about the work she does and how she helps people untame themselves.

I’m thrilled to announce this show with my good friend and colleague, Elizabeth DiAlto. Elizabeth is doing some pretty incredible things in the world with her company, UntameYourself.com, helping women see and empower themselves. We have a conversation about one of my favorite topics, courageous communication and how it can enhance your life and your relationships. We even get into a little debate about women taught to push down their feelings, which to tell the truth was a little new to me. I loved it. We then bring Jeffrey on the phone and he talks about his life and what’s happening with him and how life is good, and yet he can see down the line, he’s probably going to end up in that old pattern of work that he has always ended up in. We talked about working for himself and gave some specific tips of how to avoid the traps of his own cycles.

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Listen to the podcast here:

Courageous Communication with Elizabeth DiAlto

This is straight from Los Angeles, California with the amazing Elizabeth DiAlto on the guest lounge. I’m very excited to talk about the concept of courageous communication and other fun topics with her every week. We’re here talking about the topics, things that matter, things that we should be talking about, how to make your life more fun, more full, more real, and how to get more nookie, because that’s one of the big pieces. Not just nookie-nookie per se, but life’s nookie.

I’m excited to do this show. Life has been crazy busy. It is tax season 1099 season, so my consulting business has been going crazy, but at the same time, I’m having fun, exploring life, having some big changes and life keeps getting better and better, so I’m grateful for that. Let’s talk about Liz or Elizabeth. I did a podcast with her and it’s one of my top three experiences of being interviewed, so I’m grateful to have her on the show and flip roles and put her on the hot seat and see what arises. Hi, Liz.

Hi. Thank you for that.

Give us a little scoop. How’d you get into the business of helping people, servicing people, untaming people? How do you get into the game?

Back in the day, I used to sell Cutco knives. I was brought up in this culture of communication, working with people, sales, marketing, but lots of sales and stuff. It is rooted in personal development, so when I left that industry, I became a personal trainer and at a certain point a couple years into that, I started noticing that without fail, any mental, emotional, financial relationship, career issue could come up and so swiftly wipe out any physical results people had gotten with their diet and exercise, so I became much more fascinated about working in than working out and how the two work together and even in my own life.

I had received much feedback over the course of the years that I was intimidating or that I was too masculine. I had been advised that I should stop it and I’m like, “I don’t know how to do that,” so I started studying femininity and feminine archetypes and realizing that there are archetypes. There’re many different feminine energies and I embody more of a fierce warrior, like Durga fiery energy. I’m never going to be like prissy and dainty and girly and very soft or demure, and that that was okay too. Then I became even more interested in fusing the two and being “What’s going on with your insides?” and also “Who are you as a woman?” and “How do you be a woman in the 21st century in this culture?” that essentially raises us to be lovelier versions of men and so that’s where it all started in being so curious about what was going on in my own world.

What was the next step? You were a physical trainer, then you saw this insight that the inside game was more important. How did you transition from physical trainer? What exactly do you call yourself? Do you call yourself a life coach? Do you call yourself a teacher?

I don’t. I let other people call me whatever they want to call me. If I had to pick something though, I’m an author, a speaker, teacher, mentor. I have a podcast.

How did you switch from trainer? What was that like in the beginning to switch from point A to point B?

It was certainly a transition over the course of a couple of years because I was very identified with that. I was very identified with my physical body. I’ve always been an athlete growing up. Working out was my thing. I’ve always been a huge nerd, like reading. I remember when I learned how to read in whatever grade that was, kindergarten or first grade, that was freedom to me. I’m like, “I can now learn anything I ever wanted to know. I can find it somewhere in a book.” I hadn’t felt that free until I got my driver’s license and then I was like, “Great, I could go anywhere I ever want to go.” I started studying and doing energy work. For people who are familiar with Reiki, I did all my Reiki achievements and I started getting more into all these things and seeing whether it was personality typologies, Myers-Briggs, human design, astrology, all these things. For me, checking things out and seeing what resonated, taking what works and ditching what didn’t is how things ended up happening.

The topic we’re talking about is courageous communication. That was the term you sent me. I loved it because communication to me is the most important thing. It is the foundation of all changes in life. If you don’t have good communication first and foremost with yourself, you can’t do anything. You’re stuck in this loop of vagueness and uncertainty and lack of strength. You sent me the term courageous communication? What does that mean to you?

It means being willing to say the things you don’t want to say with a lot of love and compassion and being willing to own your side of things.

That’s a good crux of things. Why do you think people are so afraid to actually do that?

A couple of things. They’re afraid of being rejected, cast out, not belonging. They’re afraid of being wrong. They’re afraid of being right. They’re afraid of what might happen, who they might lose. They’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. They’re afraid of speaking up for themselves. They’re afraid of owning what’s true for them and what might be the consequences for that. They don’t want to lose their jobs. They don’t want to lose their family, the people in their lives. That’s a small portion of it.

Fear keeps us in our status quo. Fear keeps us in that spot. A lot of people say there’re two types of decisions or choices or roads. There’s fear and there’s desire. What you’re saying is most people don’t speak the truth out of the taking the fear road rather than desire road. How do you teach people to speak from desire to speak the truth? To speak their truth, what’s the first step you actually teach people to do?

I actually created a framework. There’s a whole chapter for this in my books. The first thing I actually have people do is journal out several questions so they can realize what is the outcome that they want from speaking their truth, what is their truth, what are they afraid will happen. From those three things, they get to be honest with themselves first. Sometimes even through that process, they realize they don’t need to have a conversation with somebody else. They needed to have the conversation with themselves first. Once they do that pre-work, then if they decide they need to have the conversation, everything that they wrote out, because I find most people when they botch this, it’s because they’re totally managing the other person’s experience. They have no idea that all they need to do is say to someone, “I’m nervous to have this conversation because I’m afraid that insert thing they don’t want to happen is going to happen and so thank you so much. I’m going to share it and hope for the best.”

It’s all inside work to begin with and that’s why I also recommend to sit because most people will tell themselves the truth. They are like “That’s okay. I’m okay with that relationship. I’m okay with that job. I’m okay with this status quo.” Meanwhile, the little voices inside of them are suffering, like, “No, I don’t want to be with someone who treats me this poorly. No, I don’t want to be with a boss that doesn’t promote my work or have my best interests.” and so people are willing to take so much less than what they want.

That’s a big piece of it too. One of the other questions I ask people is “What is not okay with you about what’s going on with this person?”

Could you give a personal example of something where you did this with yourself and what was the issue and what was your process and what was the outcome?

I had brought up a personal topic of conversation with a friend of mine and I won’t share that but I could share the outcome. He was super interesting in exploring the thing that I was curious about and said he wanted to have a conversation about it, and I was like, “All right, cool. Let’s unpack this.” The next time I spent time with him, it didn’t come up and he’s like, “We have to have that chat.” Next time I spent time with him, it didn’t come up and it wasn’t even addressed that we didn’t have to chat and there was a window where it was just us, like we could have had it, and so I was irritated that this person had said “Let’s have this conversation,” and then we weren’t doing it because I felt like I don’t want to have to carry the ball for the whole entire thing.

One of the things I had to realize is “Do I even want to have this conversation?” and I didn’t. I realized at that point, I didn’t want to even have that conversation. The conversation I had to have was, “I’ve spent some time at this, I’ve sat on this. I don’t want to have to keep bringing this up.” I have a very low tolerance to have unresolved things lingering in my energetic space and I’m like. I’m like “I’m not waiting around for you to bring up this thing, so I’m actually good. I don’t want to have this conversation. Feel free if there’s anything you need to share, anything you need to discuss to be complete on this, so we could move on.” He was like, “No, I’m good. Complete,” so I wrapped up that loop.

I have several of those out there in my world. People are like, “I need to talk to you about this thing.” I’m totally open, totally available, and then it never happens. Sometimes I think, it passed, the feeling, the emotion, the thing, the problem, what I did, what they wanted me to do passed, and other times I wonder like, “Is it some block?,” but as a recipient of that, all I can do is be totally available and say “Yes, if you want to talk about it, I’m free and available.”

Sometimes it’s like that things can pass, but this wasn’t one of those things. It was taking up mental space and emotional energy for me, so I had to close the loop because I had a lot of important things to do and I’m not letting this thing linger out there in my space.

Let’s shift topics. This is a weird tangential question. What do you think men are afraid to tell women? The second part, what do you think women are afraid to tell men? You can pick which direction you want to go first.

Men to women.

TL 58 | Courageous Communication

Courageous Communication: It’s hard for men to admit when they don’t know something or they aren’t sure how to do something because a lot of you think you’re supposed to have the answers.

What do you think men are afraid to tell women?

Men are afraid to tell women when they’re afraid of something because I don’t think many of you were taught in any way, shape or form that you are allowed to be afraid of anything. Men are afraid to tell women sometimes how much they care about anything or how unsure they are of something when they don’t know. It’s hard for men to admit when they don’t know something or they aren’t sure how to do something because a lot of you think you’re supposed to have the answers. You’re supposed to be the provider, the protector, get everything right, and have your shit together, and know what to do. When you don’t know or don’t have an answer or have a feeling that you don’t know what to do, that feels either vulnerable or something that you perceived to be weak, so if I had to string one line of theme through all of the things I said, men are afraid to tell women anything that they think might make them look weak.

As a woman who is interfaced with men in her life, do you feel that? Do you know when that’s going on? Do you not know? Do men fool women in this regard? Do you think women can pick it up?

This is a tough question because I’m only one woman and I happen to be super perceptive. I can pick up most things. I can literally hear what’s not being said. I had someone call me out on this. I was sitting at a table with twelve people and my friend, Paul, was like “Do people feel like you’re invading their privacy often?” I was like, “What do you mean?” He’s like, “I’m having a one-on-one conversation with you and I’m watching you track everything that’s happening at this table and you’re responding to things that I’m not even saying to you.”

I was like, “Cool.” Good to know that I need to pay attention to dialing that up or down for the audience because it’s certainly not my intention to make people feel uncomfortable, but it happen to be that that’s one of my gifts. I can’t answer for all women although I do believe subconsciously all of us are intuitive. Whether we have access to it or not is another thing, but we feel things. You get a funky vibe. You know something’s going on, like most people are not suspicious for no reason. You might be paranoid, but if you feel like something’s off, there’s probably something off. I don’t know how in-depth people’s intuition is or how connected they are to their powers of perception or how accurate they are, mine are quite high and quite accurate and so usually I can guess.

My viewpoint is women are good at this because they’re trained to talk to their emotions while men on the flip side are not trained to emotions or trust or emotions, and so women are good at picking up these subtle cues. You have men acting like they can’t do something, they’re afraid to admit it, women suspecting it, and then disconnection occurs between the two people so often. If men would speak it, then the mystery and that sensation, that funky feeling, as you stated, can go away.

I’ll disagree with you that women are taught to interface with their emotions. A lot of women aren’t. A lot of women are taught along the way, “It’s not okay.” I have to teach women how to feel and that it’s okay and it’s safe to feel all the time. A lot of women are shutdown in their childhoods, “Don’t cry. Don’t worry about that. Suck it up,” or if they live in a family where they watch, they observe things getting swept under the rug. Because little girls are taking cues from their dads too sometimes. They’re watching like, “He buttons it up. I need to button it up,” so it’s certainly a case by case basis. In general, yes. Are we more tapped into our emotions and our intuition? Yes if we’re going to make a broad generalization but across the board, not the case for all women.

I was about to have fun debate around this topic, but then you dispelled the debate at the end. I’m happy you said that because I have the bias, and I’ll admit this. I think most women are attached to their emotions, but you’re giving me some evidence, some of your experience, saying this isn’t happening. That’s food for thought for me, which I’m grateful for to take it in. Let’s say one more thing just to clarify that. You’re saying there are a lot of cases you have where women are in touch with their emotions or is it the outliers?

I would say a lot. Women are afraid of them. They are actually afraid that if they uncork the emotions, they don’t know what the hell is going to happen, like opening Pandora’s box.

I wish we have the whole hour to talk about this topic because you’ve added new insight into my life that I’m grateful for. Let’s flip the other way. What do you think women are afraid to tell men?

The same way that men are afraid to divulge anything that makes them appear weak, women are afraid to divulge anything that makes them appear needy, high maintenance, too emotional. That could be any variety of things that fall under that umbrella. Sometimes we can’t help but feel our feelings, but we don’t necessarily know how to communicate them and we don’t necessarily know why we’re even feeling them. I would say clearly communicate what’s going on with us, ask for what we want or what we need, desires, “Who am I to have this?” A lot of women are so identified with being a giver and a nurturer and it’s like who might ask for something, my value comes from being beautiful or what I could do for others or how good I am at like mothering, nurturing and taking care of people, so anything that violates any of those things.

Modern times is interesting because essentially women in here in the US and probably some other first world countries have all the same rights and access and ability as men do. There’s this army of women going like, “I could do it myself.” You and I talked about this in my podcast interview, how we’re screwing ourselves over with our own masculinity sometimes. Anything that indicates that we don’t have it together or we don’t have it all or that maybe we don’t want to have it all or we do want someone to take care of us, so any of those things.

I’m totally on board with that. I’ve seen that a lot. Women believe they’re too much and if they want to have a partner, if they show themselves too much, too fast or at all, then the guy will head to the door. To give reality, a lot of guys are like that. They have this belief system that they can’t handle women. This is terrible combination of “I’m too much. I can’t handle her” even though both want to be connected. That’s where relationship is practice come in. We also talk about in your podcast is “Let’s have you been too much and let me have you totally not handle you, and then let’s have that experience and then let’s totally fuck it up and then let’s together figure out how to diagnose and improve that in the future.” What would be your pitch? If you trying to share your love of courageous communication, what would be your heartfelt reason to motivate someone to do it? What would be your personal plate?

It’s so draining to not tell the truth. It’s so draining to pretend to be anything other than who and what you actually are. If you have to keep up with so much information and other people’s stuff, you’re living entirely outside of yourself and missing out on the miraculous world that exists within you. If you’re not willing to feel what you feel and be honest about it and speak the truth, then what you’re missing out on is the amazing connection and the amount of support and love that’s available to you by all the people who can hang with you, who want to hang with you and are totally down to go there, but they don’t know unless you say so and speak up and give them the opportunity to.

That’s awesome. That’s asking for help. How much of us are so good at asking for help? None of us are good at it, and so the ability to say, “I need this. Can you help me with this?” that’s the gift you give to your friends. You give them a chance to love you by asking for help, and so when you don’t ask for help, it’s actually a crime. It’s a crime to not let them love you.

You’re robbing everyone the opportunity to love on you the way you probably think you’re so good at loving on everyone else.

Live Coaching

Let’s bring my buddy, Jeff, on the line. Jeffrey?

Hello.

How are you?

I’m very well.

Thank you for being on the show. Meet Liz.

Hi, Jeffrey.

Thank you. Hi, Liz.

How can we make this time best used? How can we make this optimal for you?

I’m in an interesting place in that things are feeling pretty open for me. I’m in a place where I’m excited and joyful most of the time. Summary of thing, I was in the cycle, and this is a cycle that’s been happening several times for me where I get into a job and then I am not totally happy with it. I’ve been doing tech jobs. I go through the cycle where I want to go strike off on my own. I get some of the unemployment insurance or whatever but I’m too afraid or don’t have the confidence in myself to couldn’t work to produce something. I get low on money until I get worried and then I go back to another job. I was in this situation where I’m not happy with his job. They didn’t get their funding so they laid four of us off. I almost feel guilty, but I called this in for the other people that got laid off. Now, things are open again as far as realizing that I have employment that is not tied to one place. Also something that is more a connection-based and human being based. I enjoy doing the problem-solving of the tech stuff, but sitting at a desk eight hours a day, looking at codes, that was one of the issues. It was they weren’t happy or I get some negative feedback from the boss. I’m very fear-based, very worried about that, and what if I cut out all of the connections and I focus, I could do the work but it was not fun for me.

That’s a good start. What do you think Liz is? What’s your first step?

I didn’t hear a question.

The thing is my personal life is going pretty well. I fell in love a couple times this month. One of them was in this anorexic pattern that I saw that let me get some of the older ones that I had. More recently, I met someone from New York.

I’m going to interrupt you for a second. What specifically can we help you with? What do you need?

I’m in the up and I have a lot of energy and I’m happy and joyful. I want to not waste this and I want to be able to remember this and stay in this and not get back into my homeostasis, which is more of in the down and put it to a place where if I start thinking about the jobs and the money and things like that, then I get more retracted. Plotting out that course of finding the right niche for me, whether that’s a telecommuting job or doing coaching or something else.

Rob, what do you think?

I heard a question in the beginning. The question is how for you not to follow your pattern? Your pattern, I wrote it down. It’s job, not happy, thinking about being on my own, and unemployment insurance, back to job. It’s a revolving circle. What I’m hearing is that you don’t know how to trend to go from working for someone else to working for yourself. I heard that desire loud and clear.

That’s definitely true.

What are the elements of working for yourself? What do you need to do? First is you need to believe in yourself. You have to work on her psychology, you have to say “Yes, I’m willing to for extended period of time, face the fear of being bankrupt in order to stand on my own,” which is not a simple thing to do. My first question would simply be, “Is that an adventure you want to take from this place of up, from this place of clarity?”

Yes. I think this is the best place to start certainly.

What do you think about yes, Liz?

I think you believe it intellectually, but I don’t know that there’s a full-body belief behind it.

I would agree with that.

Here’s what’s interesting. There is a lot of propaganda out there of what it looks like, what it’s supposed to, what it has to look like to follow your dream or to follow your desire. In doing so, a lot of people cut themselves off from support, not realizing that if you want to go out on your own, there might be another couple of jobs along the way that bridge you from being clear in the desire and getting to that place. Nothing squelches this energy, this high that you’re feeling, creativity, fresh desire, the stress of needing to pay bills and have your basic needs met. It’s Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Basic needs have got to be met. What are you willing to do to make sure the basic needs are met without a doubt that could bridge you into being able to consider and put yourself out there and even build some confidence in the process to be getting closer and closer to more of the work that’s in alignment with this desire that you’re feeling for what you want to do on longer-term basis? Does that make sense?

Yes. That whole thing of having that for sure established for myself that I definitely have my needs met, that always seems elusive. Even if I’m in one of these jobs, I still have that fear.

Here’s the thing, I’ll be blunt. This is Tuff Love. Your level of energy towards work, let’s call it X. If you want to do what Liz said of having the bridge work and to work on your own stuff, you got to go to 2X. My simple question is, “Are you willing to do that?”

Yeah.

I didn’t believe that one either. I hear the ‘yeah’.

I think that’s a big part of the stumbling block of where I end up getting back into the cycle. I get a little overwhelmed with what seems like the work that needs to happen to do that.

What is it costing you to stay in this loop? How painful is it to keep going back and doing these same things over and over again?

It’s not good. If I check out, it’s very comfortable. These jobs that I get, they’re designed to make the people comfortable and I see that and I get seduced by that and it’s lovely. They have the nice kitchen, the meals and all that, and the bus to work and all of that. When I think about who I want to be and who I am, it’s not me.

TL 58 | Courageous Communication

Courageous Communication: Pay attention for that life is actually meeting you because you’re moving towards it as well.

What’s interesting is comfortable people don’t take action. Whatever you can do or need to do to get in touch with how uncomfortable it is to continue repeating these cycles, it sounds like demotivating why would they want to do that, but until you are honest with yourself about what’s painful or what sucks and what’s uncomfortable and what you’re unwilling to experience anymore, the likelihood that you find the energy to sustain doing the things that might be challenging to do but that will get you to where you want to go, those two things needs to be happening at the same time. Rob, would you agree with that or add anything to it?

I’m cheering you on. I think that’s exactly it. Change only occurs when the pain of the change is less than the pain of your current status quo, and this is your relationship, this is job, this is health, this is diet, this is exercise. When the pain of looking at yourself in the mirror and going, “Ugh,” is greater than you get off your ass to the gym on a Stairmaster, into that spin class, into the yoga class, that’s it. We’re trained to be lazy. We’re trained to want the maximum results with minimal amount of effort.

There are plenty of people out there in the world who teach that, but they teach it from the place that they already got there. They already put in the frigging maximum effort to be in a place where they could actually take less action and put the minimal. They’ve set up systems like their life is supporting them and doing less because they worked their freaking ass off to get to that place. That’s the disconnected element that’s like, “By the way, I’m out here telling you, do less. You don’t have to hustle, like whatever, work four hours a week,” but that person busted their ass to get to the place where they could do that. That’s how my life is. I busted my ass for twelve years and for the last two, I have a lifestyle that I enjoy where things are congruent and in alignment and I could do things that don’t feel like they require so much effort anymore, but it took me quite a while to get here. If you’re in the beginning of an endeavor like that, you got to be honest with yourself that sure, fast results are possible and it might not be as fast as you want it, but it’s so worth it when you get there.

How do I keep that in focus?

To start on a journey, you have to say, “Yes, I’m going on this journey.” That’s it. How do you experience going in Costa Rica, which may not seem like a big thing. I was going “on vacation,” but I had fear. I had fear about going to a country I did not know, mostly by myself without a plan. I had fear, but then I said to myself, “I am going to maximize these nine days. I am going to pull everything. I’m going to pull everything I can out of this experience.” Guess what? Those nine days were amazing. Before I went, I said to myself, “No matter what, I’m not going to be lazy. I’m not going to quit. I’m going to juice it.” For you, first off, I’m proud of you. This is the first time in our seven-year history where I’ve felt a possibility of you getting out of that comfortable. Most people do not get out of that comfortable, my brother. You are a rare percent that is actually saying, “I’m considering leaving the status quo.” That’s to be celebrated.

The question is, how do you do that? How do you do the bridge and the change? You get support. That support could be a coach, that support could be a friend, that could be a men’s group or that could be something like “I’m setting myself with 90-day challenge on Facebook and I’m posting my progress into my own self-employment every single day,” and then you have the world watching you. I did this with yoga for 30 days. I said I’m going to do yoga for 30 days, I posted it and then people were checking up on me. Build yourself some accountability so you don’t have to go at this alone, and the aloneness is challenging.

What I add to that is I would have the big picture, the macro vision of what you want, like dial in that desire and get specific about it, and then have the micro which is “What is the next step that I need to be taking?” I’ll tell you a quick story. Earlier in the interview I was telling Rob I made this transition from fitness into what I do now. During the in between, it was August of 2013, I had gone on a road trip from where I was living in Laguna Beach up to Santa Barbara, and on my way back, I stopped in Malibu. I’m walking on the beach in Malibu and I’m looking at these amazing beach houses, not having any idea how I’m going pay my bills next month, let alone accomplish any dream because I didn’t know what the dream was. I looked at these beach houses and I was like, “I want one of those. I don’t know how I’m going to get it. I don’t know how to get there, but for now that’s going to be my anchor.” Because if I get to the point where I can buy a freaking beach house in a place like Malibu, I have gotten my shit together and I have figured it out.

I needed some symbol or anchor that would mean I got there that I could focus on in my meditations, when I’m praying and manifesting and whatever I’m doing to call in what I want, I could at least have something to represent that I have figured out everything else between here and there because the how had not revealed itself yet. The specific ideas, and what I actually wanted to do, I didn’t know what they were yet, but to maintain the momentum of the energy that you have now, you need to be able to put that towards something. I would pick something, anything to be the anchor and the symbol that means you have figured out everything else in between.

In the meantime, focus on what is my next best step and do one at a time. Because now that you have this similar to the anchor and you at least know that you’re moving closer to it or farther away from it with all of your choices, you will be able to rack up better choices along the way and then the ideas will drop in. The connections will drop in. Pay attention for synchronicities, pay attention for life. I call it the Rumi effect. There’s this Rumi quote, “What you seek is seeking you,” like pay attention for that life is actually meeting you because you’re moving towards it as well. Does that make sense?

There’s also a great thing that I learned from one of my mentors, which is that confidence comes from evidence. You said something earlier about not having the confidence to go for it. I would also be paying attention for all the proof that already exists in your life, in your relationships, in your credentials and your past experiences that are evidence that you’re so capable and you could totally do it. So often, we’re focused on what we don’t have, we’re not there yet, we have a to-do list a mile long and at the end of the day instead of going, “I got these five things done and I rocked it,” we’re like, “Damn, there’s twelve things I wanted to do that I didn’t get done” and that energy is not the momentum you want to bring into tomorrow. The momentum of “I rocked these five things” definitely helps tomorrow better than that.

That makes sense. Thank you.

You got some serious downloads there, brother. Create a project plan, set the goal, set the details. You know how to do that, you’re a programmer. You can think in those terms. You need to do the sub-routine and sub-routine to have the whole process, and it is just psychology, like Liz said, you have to believe in yourself and reward the wins. That’s the thing. I’m excited for you. I’m excited of the possibility of what’s possible. Thanks so much for being on the show my friend.

Good luck. I’m so excited for you.

I’m going to have fun either way.

That’s important. I want to thank you so much for being on the show and your inspiration and some new thoughts for me and the help you gave to my friend. I’m grateful to you for coming on the show.

Thanks for having me. It’s so fun.

How do they find you? How do they dig your stuff? How do they hear about your podcast?

Website is UntameYourself.com. If you go to iTunes and type in my last name, DiAlto, my show will come up. There’s audio and there’s video. I’m on all the social media and I’m the only DiAlto out there.

Do you do private coaching or courses? What’s your jam now?

I have a course called Wild Soul Movement. It is for women only. All my stuff is for women only. I do have a mentorship that started, a teacher training that’ll start later, but Wild Soul Movement is something that people could always join whenever. We have actually a Facebook group, so if there’re women listening or men who have women in your life who you think might dig this, UntameYourself.com/Facebook is where we gather to commune and explore being a woman in the 21st century.

Thank you so much, Liz. Always a pleasure.

Thanks, Rob.

If you’d like to support the show, I have a Patreon account. That’s the way to become a patron of Tuff Love. You could donate $5 a month. There is a $99 special for coaching once a month, 45 minutes, much cheaper than my normal rates. Check it out. That’s Patreon.com/TuffLove and there’s also a VIP on there, so check it out.

Also on my website, TuffLove.live, I do have a mailing list option. I’m very excited about that. Put some attention on the Tuff Love, expanding it, getting on more shows, meeting wonderful people like Liz and always so grateful for my listeners who come and listen. Give me a review on iTunes that helps spread the word. You can go to iTunes and type in my last name Kandell or TuffLove Kandell. I think I’m the only Kandell out there and that’s it.

Go forth, be fun, be free, get some nookie. Take some chances, start a business, build your bridge, etc. Until then, I love you. Take care.

About Elizabeth DiAlto

TL 58 | Courageous CommunicationWelcome to Wild Soul Movement™. My name is Elizabeth DiAlto and I’m the founder here. My personal mission is to build community, curate conversations, and create content, events, and experiences that turn your relationship with yourself into one of the most wild, passionate love affairs of your lifetime.

The Wild Soul Movement™ program provides a grounded and loving practice in self-discovery designed to get all parts of you in right relationship with each other. My aim is to meet you where you are and guide you to where you want to be while always keeping primary focus on cultivating your trust and faith in the idea that everything you’ve ever needed has always been inside of YOU.

I learned to love myself and my body by stripping away at everything that was preventing me from seeing what already was, and my purpose is to teach you to do the same.

It all starts here, with a strong community of women who are brave enough to stand up and say yes to a new way.

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