TL 142 | Self-Help

142: When Self-Help Isn’t Helping with Samantha Skelly

TL 142 | Self-Help

 

I had a blast doing Samantha Skelly’s show Hungry for Happiness. It was one of those interviews where we started ending each other’s sentences. We’ll be talking about the vicious cycle of self-care and love in today’s world. Sam writes, “The idea that happiness, wholeness, and joy is conditional upon getting ‘there’ goes against the very truth of the matter. It keeps us stuck in a constant rat race, always hustling for our worth and hoping that every milestone we achieve will bring us closer to the elusive happiness, wholeness, and joy. We are constantly distancing ourselves from our truth. We are in constant denial of the light, love, and power that is innately within each of us. We throw thousands of dollars and hours of our time at every self-help method or tool under the sun, hoping they will help us get ‘there.’ We have a destination addiction, and when we fail to get ‘there,’ we shame ourselves before throwing away even more money. Like the weight loss industry, the personal development industry markets to our insecurities and perpetuates our own self-perceived inadequacies so that we will continue to consume their products. It’s time for people to realize that they are already whole, enough, and ‘there.’ They need to know that their flaws are catalysts to deeper self-discovery and transformation. We are not problems that need to be fixed. We are already perfect and already ‘there.’ And here is perfect.”

Listen to the podcast here:

When Self-Help Isn’t Helping with Samantha Skelly

Welcome back to the show with my friend, Samantha Skelly. This is a high energy show. If you’re doing something else, maybe you want to stop. Samantha brings a lot of energy to this show and rocks it with concepts around emotional eating, dysfunction on food, her work with women and also a connective rant on what’s happening with the self-help industry. She brings it and I’m in total agreement with everything she’s saying. It’s a fun show with the powerful Samantha Skelly of HungryForHappiness.com. For more shows, please visit RobertKandell.com. Subscribe and if you love the show, please give us a review. Send us some stars, it would be so awesome. Thanks so much.

This is Rob Kandell with my new special friend, Samantha Skelly. I had the absolute pleasure of doing her podcast and we got on fine, similar thoughts and similar talks. We had a good conversation about relationships, clarity and how to interact between men and women. Samantha has had this pretty incredible career working mostly with women and she’s helping around the health or the body image. Samantha is an entrepreneur, sought after international speaker, best-selling author and emotional eating expert.

I definitely want to chat about that a little bit. As a founder for Hungry for Happiness, a movement to empower women to overcome their disordered eating and body image issues, Samantha has revolutionized the weight loss industry by examining individual underlying causes of eating disorders. She has shared her mission on international platform, appeared on Global TV, Shaw, NBC, CBC, PBC and featured in various publications such as the Huffington Post, The Elephant Journal and Prevail Project. This show is on the concept of why self-help isn’t helping, which is an interesting title because I want to know what self-help means too. Welcome to the show. It’s a pleasure to have you.

Thank you. It’s great to be here.

How did you end up in this seat? Do you want to give us your little spiel?

I am Canadian. I grew up in Vancouver and my whole life I was an actress and a dancer. My whole life I would spend either in front of a camera or on stage. It was very body image focused. I was a perfectionist. My worth was constantly attached to not who I was, but what I was doing constantly. Through that, I developed a disordered eating. I didn’t know how to eat like a normal person. I was constantly on and off diets. I had no idea how to feel comfortable in my body. I had no idea what’s the difference between an emotional hunger cue and a physical hunger cue. I developed this incredibly unhealthy relationship, not just with myself but with food and my body and the rest of it.

During that time, it was painful. I felt completely disconnected from myself and simultaneously I was a personal trainer. I felt completely out of alignment, not understanding why I was doing what I was doing as far as my relationship to food and my body. I couldn’t figure out how to eat like a normal person. My first company was in England, in London and I ended up coming back to Vancouver and I looked at the weight loss industry. I looked at the fitness industry and I was like, “This is so dysfunctional.” We’re addressing the wrong issue. We don’t have a weight loss problem, we have a sustainability problem because we’re not addressing the underlying issues as to why the whole world is overweight and overwhelmed and constantly on and off diets and think they have no willpower and all that kind of stuff.

I’m like, “This is a mental and emotional issue.” Weight loss needs to be a mental and emotional conversation. We can’t stop recycling all these new diets and market them to people’s insecurities and hoping for the best. That doesn’t work and it never has worked and it will never work. I had this mission of like, “What if we could educate the world on the failure of dieting and we could furthermore teach them how to fundamentally use food for health and hunger and listen to their own bodies?” That was the start of it. At that time, I was dead set on becoming a real estate agent. That’s what I was going to do. I had no interest in doing what I’m doing now. I began to pursue that, but I started coaching people on the side of like, “This is what I went through, this is the journey that I went through. Here’s what I realized, here’s what worked for me.”

I started to share with people and coach them pro bono. Over the next couple of years I’m like, “I’m helping people but there’s something to this.” That was the birth of Hungry for Happiness and four years later where this big company that’s doing a lot of cool shit. That was how it all started. I didn’t have an aspiration of building this company or doing this. I took my message and I made it my message. It was through my own learnings and my own teachings. Now I’m in this phase of not only wanting to restructure the weight loss industry but restructure the personal development industry because there’s dysfunctionality in that as well, which I know we’re going to be getting into.

Some people have been born to greatness, some have it thrust upon them. You definitely moved into this important niche that people needed. Let’s talk about a few things. Emotional eating. I know some people talked about this, but what interests me in is what’s your viewpoint around it? How do you think people miscue about it? What don’t people know about the prevalence of emotional eating?

We all are emotional eaters. Food is so tied to our personality on a constant basis. Even if we look at when we were younger, it was like, “If you do good, you get to have food.” It was very much like that. It’s like food is nostalgic. We have it when we’re happy or sad, we’re all emotional eaters. What I constantly educate on is it’s okay to be an emotional eater, but what we have to realize is what’s the intentionality behind the consumption. That’s always the conversation that we need to have. It’s like, “I can throw down some tacos and some red wine and some dark chocolate, but it’s not because I’m trying to check out or numb my emotionality like I used to.” I used to eat because I didn’t want to deal with my emotions and so what we have to understand is there’s no such thing as a good food and a bad food. It’s just our choices.

For instance, I’m out for dinner with my boyfriend and I order a glass of wine to have. There are two intentions behind that. Number one could be like, “I’m so nervous, I’m so stressed out, I’m so freaked out. I’m so anxious, I need some wine so that I could calm myself down and check out.” That’s one narrative. Then there’s like, “I’m so happy to be here right now. I feel so present in my body. I’m going to have a glass of wine to enhance the moment.” Enhancement versus numbing, distracting, checking out. It’s the intentionality behind the consumption. We have to ask ourselves, “What is that?” The intention should be let’s use food for health and hunger. Let’s listen to our bodies and use food for health and hunger.

Also, let’s use food to enhance moments when it’s appropriate, whether that’s some chocolate cake or a glass of wine. I love tacos, that for me is so fun and it enhances my life and it allows me to be happy. When I was arms deep in Ben & Jerry’s at 2:00 AM, binge eating because I couldn’t handle my own emotions, that’s not healthy. Looking at the contrast between those two things, it’s the same food. It’s the same purpose, but what is the intention behind it? That’s a powerful question to ask ourselves and I think we get so caught up. The amount of Instagram messages I get on a daily basis of women asking me, “Sam, can you let me know what you eat in a day? I want to know what you eat in a day.”

TL 142 | Self-Help

Self-Help: We don’t have a weight loss problem, we have a sustainability problem. We’re not addressing the underlying issues as to why the whole world is overweight.

That’s basically them going, “I don’t want to think for myself or do the work on myself. I’m going to copy everything that you’re doing because it seems to be working.” What works for me is not going to work for you. I don’t know what I eat in a day. I listen to my body and I let my body decide. If I’m stressed out, my mind’s going to want sugary things, but when I’m in a calm state and I truly check in and listen to my body, it’s going to want something completely different. It’s so important that we understand our own blueprint, our own visceral intelligence, our own wiring. Furthermore to that, it’s so important that we understand why we’re using food as a drug. For those people who identify with using food to numb out or check out or we’re at a dinner party and we’re like, “It’s so awkward, we have a little bit of social anxiety. I’m going to drink some or eat some brownies or we’re just fixated on the cookies over there,” whatever that is. What is underneath that? What is the emotionality underneath that that needs to be or you’re choosing to suppress?

Opening up those conversations, not from a place of judging yourself but from a place of curiosity. What is that emotion? What is my intention behind consumption? Starting from that place of curiosity is going to open up so much conversation because there’s such a stigma around this. Because it’s embarrassing or whatever. We don’t have these conversations. We check on like nothing’s wrong, but it’s so transformational and we will be more simply honest with ourselves about it.

It’s like fourteen things popped up. I’ll say my favorite top two; one is it’s not the circumstance, it’s you. It’s one of my favorite saying. We want to blame the food. We want to blame the availability of food or going to parties. It’s who you are in relationship to the food and that’s been big life lessons for me. The second one was when I’m doing some personal work and some journey work with Morgan, my wife, she sat with me and she helped me into guided meditation into the connection between the food and my extra fifteen pounds of belly weight versus my dad and my dad being overweight. We made the connection that being overweight was a relationship or connection or an allegiance to him. I was like, “That’s big.” That solved that piece.

Physical weight on our body, unless there’s a serious health thing, is a manifestation of emotional weight, oftentimes it is. That’s beautiful. “What is this weight representing?” is a great question. What we do when we open up that conversation is rather than taking action out of a place of fear through dieting and over exercising and pills and shakes and all the rest of it like, “I need to get out of this, I need to get away with this, I need to get rid of this fat,” or whatever it is, taking action from a place of love. What does this represent? What needs to be healed? What is this protecting me? I’ll give you an example of that. A lot of the women that I work with, they’ve had some sexual trauma when they were younger. Because that was so traumatic for them and they’re like subconsciously, “I never want that to happen again,” they overeat to create a physical barrier to intimacy so the chances of that happening are decreased. That’s one example. I could give you a million of the way that we use weight on our bodies.

It’s a form of protection. I’ve heard of that as well, that extra weight. It’s protection. It’s a way to create a barrier. It’s a way to make you less attractive. It’s a way to minimize yourself to protect. Let’s rip off that. You have a woman with sexual trauma and you identify that. What steps do you take or how do you recommend to open up that Pandora’s box to clean it up?

First and foremost, we have to have the acknowledgement and the awareness that, “This is what happened to me. It wasn’t my fault, but this is something that happened to me.” The second thing we have to do is we have to find a felt sense of safety in the body. What happens is because when those things happen to us and they’re extremely traumatic, we made the assumption that our bodies are not safe to be in. When we make that assumption that our bodies are not safe to be in, we’re not going to listen to them. We’re not going to feel comfortable in them. We’re going to constantly abandon them. We’re going to damage them. We’re going to go against them. If they’re saying black, we’re going to say white. We create this very dysfunctional relationship with our bodies when we choose to do that.

A lot of this stuff comes back to the inner child conversation, which is a whole other thing we can get into. The simplest way of me explaining it is creating safety in our bodies, meaning the integration of the wounded part of us and our evolved selves. We all have this. We all have wounded inner children that are screaming out for love and attention and support and care and nurturing and soothing and all that kind of stuff. Our evolved selves are like, “I’m going to distract. I’m going to numb. I’m going to go have sex with this person. I’m going to do whatever.” Our evolved selves are not honoring the needs of that inner child. There’s a larger chasm between wounded child and evolved woman or man, which is creating even more disconnect, even more lack of safety.

To establish that felt sense of safety, there needs to an integration between evolved woman or man and wounded inner child. We have to understand what does that child need right now, any child? What is that child needing? They’re sad, they’re upset, they’re reactive, they’re angry. What are they angry at? Who are they angry at? Working through some of those narratives and asking the questions of, “How can I love you more?” When I’m having a shitfit and I’m anxious and upset and I feel binge eating and I feel distracting, because that still happens to me, I have the tools to make that trends not go into my behaviors, I ask my inner child, “How can I love you more? What do you most need from me right now? What’s going on? What are you scared of? How can I soothe you?”

When I start to ask those questions and lean into that pain rather than fight that pain, it diffuses and then it doesn’t show up in my behaviors. The second I choose to turn my back and lean away, it’s like turning your back away from a screaming kid. They’re going to lose their shit. It’s about truly understanding what we need at a visceral level. That’s why everyone is so different. Once we begin to have that inner connection with ourselves, then we can start to understand ourselves more. We can begin to ask ourselves questions and listen for the answers. I was so disconnected from my body for so long.

I remember so many people will be like, “Let go of your intuition and listen to yourself.” It feels like numbness because I chose to disconnect for so long. I don’t hear anything. I don’t feel anything, I couldn’t. It was so impossible for me to do that. I convinced myself that I didn’t have an intuition and it wasn’t possible. I get that, I understand what that feels like, but I was like, “I’m going to show up every single day and keep asking the questions and keep feeling into this and see what is there and what is available for me.”

How could men best support women in this transition? The transition I’m referring to is, “I’m an emotional eater. I’m unconscious with my eating, I may have sexual abuse and then I want to transition into healthier, more conscious.” Do you have suggestions for partners or people in this transition of how men can best be support and of love?

First of all, don’t try and fix that. The fix it mentality is going to drive the individual until, “I feel like I’m a problem that needs to be fixed.” It’s truly about love and felt sense support is the greatest catalyst into the transformation of the individual. Not addressing them as like, “You’re a problem that needs to be fixed,” but truly addressing them as the highest version of themselves. When people come to work with us, we don’t go, “You’ve got a binge eating disorder, let us fix you.” That’s not it. At the end of the day, you’re a being of light and love, you’re perfect and you’re whole. Along the way, you created some conditioning that have resulted in behaviors that are not in alignment with that highest version of you.

Let’s not talk to you like you’re broke and let’s talk to you like you’re a whole and figure out who is that person underneath that. What does she love? What does she love to do? How does she love to express herself? It’s like an elevated transformation versus ruminating on the shitty things that we’re doing. We have to use an elevated frequency or an elevated way of thinking in order to solve the problem. Meaning we can’t go, “You’re binge eating. Let’s stop binge eating by going on a diet and restricting your calories and sitting on your hands and going on a calorie counting app and all that kind of crap.” It’s not going to work.

We can’t do that because we’re just focusing on the problem even more and more. The problem isn’t the behavior. The problem is what’s creating the behavior which is the beliefs, which is felt sense of feeling unlovable, fear of abandonment, I’m not good enough, worthiness wounds, mother wounding, father wounding, sexual, whatever it is. That’s what we need to focus on and in order for us to heal through that, love is needed. For a partner who their women or vice versa because it happened, there’s a ton of men who have eating disorders. I can’t even tell you. Everyone’s like, “It’s way more prevalent in women.” No, it’s not. It just manifests differently.

In men, it’s just different behaviors. They start shooting up steroids, but if we stripped down all of it, we’re humans having human issues. The behaviors are different. It manifests different, but it’s very prevalent in men. Not treating like a problem and not trying to fix it but giving that individual love and constantly reminding them of who they are.

Let’s shift a little bit into this topic of why self-help isn’t helping. What’s your thesis behind this title? What’s your thoughts behind it?

I’ve been in the personal development industry and when I say that, my dad was like a Tony Robbins. I listened to the tapes in the car on road trips and things like that. I’ve been in that world for a long time. I wanted to be a real estate agent. I wanted to be an actress. I didn’t want to be a teacher, but that happened. What I’ve seen from my journey through it and we’ve now worked with tens of thousands of people with disordered eating in this personal development industry, what I’m realizing is, there’s so much dysfunctionality in self-help. What I see happening more often than not is overconsumption and lack of integration, meaning we are reading more books, we’re listening to more podcasts. We’re doing all these things.

We’re doing personal development like a crackhead does crack, “I want more, I want more.” We’re trying to constantly chase things and in the quest of that, we’re not integrating viscerally what we’re learning. The only way that we’re going to create sustainable transformation is when our body viscerally shifts, when our frequency shifts, when we begin to heal these wounds, when we begin to do the inner child work, when we begin to release trauma through breath or movement or whatever modality. It’s not about keeping it up here because the emotional body and the logical mind are two parts or separate. They work together but we can’t take an information and assume that we’re going to be fixed. I see that happening a lot.

TL 142 | Self-Help

Self-Help: The problem isn’t the behavior. The problem is what’s creating the behavior which is the beliefs.

The other thing I see is, I wrote a post on my Instagram about this, they hit breakthroughs in personal development and then they go, “I’ve arrived,” and then they check out and then they go back to what they’ve always done and if not worse. I love Tony Robbins, don’t get me wrong, he’s great. I’m going to his event, but they’ll go to Date with Destiny and they’ll go to UPW and they’ll be like, “Life’s amazing. I’m great,” and then they’re not integrating everything. They go back to their old ways of being and then they’re in the exact same spot a year later. I see this happening time and time again and we’re wasting so much money. People are getting frustrated because they’re like, “I have no willpower. I suck,” all these kinds of things. What we need to realize is there needs to be an integration.

I live in an area in California where drugs i.e. plant medicines are prevalent. I think under the right controlled environment with emotional responsibility, those tools are very helpful. I will say that, but what I’m seeing is so much people are getting blown up into the cosmos. They’re getting all these insights and then they’re trying to be human and they don’t know how to integrate it. They’re constantly chasing the high. People’s quest for fixing themselves is obsessive and they’re not enjoying their life because they’re constantly trying. Some of the best therapy I’ve done is having a dance party or doing something fun, that’s living. I don’t need to constantly be trying to better myself. It’s less of the doing and more of the being. How am I being? How am I feeling when I’m doing these things? How am I feeling when I’m interacting with my children? How am I feeling when I’m with my husband? How am I feeling when I’m serving my clients or I’m traveling or I’m onstage speaking? How am I showing up for myself? Am I taking an emotional responsibility? Am I turning my back against my triggers or am I leaning into them and healing them?

That’s the integration that I’m talking about. It’s so much less about the consumption of the information. We need to start taking actions where our visceral bodies know that we’re shifting and changing. Because what we know to be true is our souls know that we’re whole. Our souls know that we’re perfect. We’re put in these flesh suits and our bodies are like, “Where the fuck am I? What’s going on?” We constantly have all this trauma from our childhood. Not intentional, but we pick it up along the way and then now our job is healing that. Not for obsessive consumption but through being with our physical bodies and learning to love them through that process, because literally the only job that we have on this planet is to heal our bodies.

I’ve been running workshops. I ran workshops for twelve years. As a seller of a workshop, our main goal is to hook people to do their next workshop. As the provider of the workshop, there’s a financial motivation for them not to integrate, to look for the next workshop.

That’s what’s so messed up about it. I even say on my sales pages, “I’m only going to work with you for six months and never work with me again because I don’t give a fuck. All I care about is I want you to have this information. I want you to integrate it and we need to change your life and I don’t want you to keep chasing shiny balls trying to get better.” When we look at, I say old school, the industry’s not that old but when we look at people who do the run to the back of the room tactics and get it now tactics. I don’t use scarcity in my business because I don’t need to. I’m like, “This is what we offer. Our shit works. In or out, this is the price.”

We’re transparent. There’s no, “Get it now, five days left, four days left,” none of that. This is what it is. If you want to change your life, we’ll help you do that or not. Either you’re in or you’re out. I hate all of the bullshit around it because people are already suffering. Why are we going to make them suffer more by putting them on a dependency model? When we look at the weight loss industry and when we look at the personal development industry, there are so many parallels with these corporations that are creating dependency models. They’re not letting people think for themselves and not letting people feel for themselves. They’re constantly telling people what they should do because it’s benefiting their bottom line. That’s it and that’s what’s happening and it’s sad because we’re throwing money to help our insecurities because we want to feel better. The only person that’s benefiting is the corporation.

You can send them out to the pharmaceutical, to the medical industry. This is not self-help, this is the way it is. Some people are like, “I hear the message and now what do I do? I don’t want to be hooked on self-help. I don’t want to have the cocaine habit of self-help.” My word is practice. Everything I write, I want people to have a practice to continue to use the viewpoint. How do you help your students once they go through a workshop, where they do coaching with you? What are some of your top practices, baseline practices that you provide for them to stay out of the next seminar?

It’s embedded in the curriculum. It’s embedded in the way we do things. The only thing that we do is action-based transformation. I don’t let people to read shit. I don’t let people watch a bunch of modules. That’s not it. It’s about putting the teachings into practice right away so that they don’t have to be like, “What was that thing that I learned?” It’s like, “No. This is the way of being.” We teach them specific ways of being that are in integrity with who they are. Rituals and ceremonies and things, breathwork is a beautiful tool that we incorporate into a lot of our curriculum. Releasing trauma and trapped emotion through breathwork. May that would be holotropic breathing or fire breathing or whatever that is. That is a tool. The point I want to make here is it’s less about practice because when I think of practice, I still think of doing. We don’t want to do, we want to be.

We use different words to describe the same thing. I look at life as practice. I look at every aspect of my life and being deliberate and being conscious and up-leveling my communication, my awareness. Maybe it’s more like living.

We can get caught up in words, but we’re talking about the same thing. It’s not about like, “I’m going to do this thing and then I’m going to forget about it and continue on with my life.” I always tell people, “Stop treating self-help like a checklist.” They’re like, “I meditated, I did my journal practice, I ate good. I can forget about that and now live my life.” That’s not what it’s about. It’s about the being. Everything’s a meditation. I’m meditating right now as I’m here. I’m breathing right now as I’m here. I’m connecting, I’m feeling anxiety over here and I’m feeling happiness over here. I’m aware of all of it because I’m in the space that it all exists in and this is what I’m talking about.

This is the work. If I felt that anxiety and I was like, “I don’t want to feel that,” and I was at war with what is, then I’m going against the self. The integration piece that I’m talking about of what do we teach them? We teach them personal accountability and emotional responsibility above anything else. Can we be so emotionally responsible that we don’t let a sensation be distracted? We don’t let a sensation be numbed. We go, “What’s that sensation?” as I’m doing everything else. A lot of people think, “I don’t have time for self-help.” There are all these excuses. You can self-help yourself as you’re doing everything else that you’re doing.

I’ll give you an example. This is such a silly example, but the person is a friend of mine. I came home from yoga this morning and I was taking dishes downstairs. I broke a glass and my initial thing was, “You’re such an idiot.” Then I’m like, “No. I’m going to take this moment and be so mindful of the fact that this is a thing that happened. It has nothing to do with me and I’m going to take some time and be mindful of putting the dishes away and what was I rushing for? Why was I rushing? Did I need to rush? Let me grab the vacuum.” It was a moment where I could have gone against myself and been like, “You’re such an idiot, hurry up. You don’t have time for this,” or I could have slowed down and been patient with myself. Same act, different intention. Going back to the whole food conversation, same act of drinking glass of wine, two separate intentions of the consumption.

I imagine marching on Washington against the self-help industry. “Down with the self-help industry, power to the people.”

That’s my next book.

Let’s talk about your next book. You wrote why self-help isn’t helping.

My first book is Hungry for Happiness – One Woman’s Journey From Fighting Food To Finding Freedom. The second book is called Am I There Yet? Why Self-Help isn’t Helping. That book’s coming out 2020.

What I heard why self-help isn’t helping, just to reflect, I thought of just me self-helping or doing the work. What I’m hearing is why the self-help industry isn’t helping in our relationship looking externally for some guru to hand us the secret of life. The Magic Talus, the metal that will mind us, but it does come down to what’s inside of us. I like how you’re using the word integration in terms of taking information, not rushing through the pain and the angst and the challenge of how to integrate it but embodying. I think that’s where sanity appears.

One of the things you wrote in this book that interests me it’s hoping we’ll get there. I thought that was cool, hoping to arrive. I think you mentioned this in one of your rants about this we’ve done and I totally agree. I climb one mountain, I acknowledged that I climbed the mountain, I celebrate it, then I do briefs how well or what could have been improved and I look up and there’s another freaking mountain up there. How do you work with women who say, “I’m not good enough,” or, “I’m not doing enough work,” or, “I’m too lazy?” How do you adjust that feeling to say, “This is another mountain?”

The whole of the book came from the fact that everyone always asks me, “Sam, am I there yet? When am I going to get there? When am I going to get there?” It’s like the child in the back of the car, when your kids are in the back. The title came from clients and I’m like, “Where are you hoping that you’re going to get to? This land of butterflies and unicorns where shit’s great and your shit don’t stink? It doesn’t exist. It literally does not exist.” The chase a bit is putting us in a state of suffering because we’re attached to this place being peaceful and easy. Can life be peaceful and easy when we do the work? Of course, it’s great, but we cannot dodge pain. We can’t dodge anything. Pain is the coolest thing ever. It allows us to grow. It allows us to become more. It’s an indication of what we need to work on and it’s a beautiful thing when we view it under that lens.

This whole narrative of, “Am I there yet? When am I going to be there? Am I good enough? Am I healed?” It’s such bullshit because the industry perpetuates it of like, “Sign up now and you’ll live the life of your dreams.” It doesn’t make any sense. We’re perpetuating this idea that we’re constantly broken. The industry is perpetuating this idea that we’re flawed and we need the next thing and there is no next thing. We need to untangle. We’re already there. We’re here. We just need to untangle all the conditioning that we’re not. We need to untangle all of the stories that are not in alignment with the highest version of ourselves and we all have them.

TL 142 | Self-Help

Self-Help: You can self-help yourself as you’re doing everything else that you’re doing.

I have them right now that I am not aware of them and as soon as I have awareness around them, I can let go of them. There are a lot of stories that I had from my mom and my dad and society and whatever, that we’re not innately my stories, they’re inherited. They were borrowed stories. At the core of it, if we’re willing to get honest with ourselves, we already know what we want. We already know it feels good. Felt sense expansion in our body is desire seeking to express itself. That’s what we want. Feeling is the indication of what is good, but we have all this conditioning around why we can’t. My whole mission with personal development is stripping away everything until we get to the rawest version of who we are. It’s not about getting more and consuming more. It’s about doing so much less.

Let’s leave it there with that powerful message. “You’re already healed. Go now, you’re healed.” How do people know more about you? How do people find you? What programs? Where they can get hooked up?

@HungryForHappiness on Instagram and @SamanthaSkelly. I’m super active on the Samantha Skelly one. HungryForHappiness.com is the site for all things food and body. That’s the go to. If you have any questions on what I shared, send me a DM on Instagram under Samantha Skelly and I’d be happy to support.

Thank you so much for being on the show. It’s an absolute pleasure to be acquainted with you. Good luck with the book and let’s stay in touch.

Thank you. Have a great day everyone. Thanks for tuning in.

For more shows, please visit RobertKandell.com and new stuff coming out there, communication course in Los Angeles in September, one in New York in October, fun things are happening. Thank you so much for joining us. Go forth, be merry, be free and remember you’re already there. Go have a Tuff Love, thank you.

Thank you so much everyone for joining us on Tuff Love. Samantha rocked it, killed it, really awesome. Really grateful for you coming on the show and the amazing work you’re doing in the world. Thank you so much for who you are. For more shows, please visit RobertKandell.com. Subscribe if you love it, tell your friends, tell your enemies to listen to Tuff Love and your life will just up-level. I guarantee it. Thanks so much for joining us. Go forth, enjoy the day. I love you.

Resources mentioned:

About Samantha Skelly

TL 142 | Self-HelpSamantha Skelly is an entrepreneur, motivational speaker, best-selling author, and emotional eating expert who has revolutionized the weight loss industry by examining the individual and underlying causes of eating disorders. She has shared her mission on an international platform and continues to spread her message and transform the lives of thousands of people through the Phoenix Formula, motivational speaking engagements, the Hungry for Happiness podcast, worldwide international retreats, and her Amazon best-selling book, Hungry for Happiness: One Woman’s Guide From Fighting Food to Finding Freedom.

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