The question of who to marry is one that many people grapple with, seeking guidance from various sources. For Christians, the Bible serves as a foundational source of wisdom and instruction for all aspects of life, including marriage. While the Bible doesn't offer a specific checklist of qualities to look for in a spouse, it does provide principles and insights that can guide individuals in making wise choices regarding who to marry.
Seeking God's Will in Marriage
The Bible emphasizes the importance of seeking God's will in all areas of life, including marriage. Proverbs 3:5-6 states, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." When it comes to marriage, this principle means actively seeking God's guidance through prayer, studying His Word, and seeking counsel from mature Christians.
Understanding God's Design for Marriage
The Bible presents marriage as a sacred covenant ordained by God. Genesis 2:24 states, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This passage highlights the fundamental unity and commitment inherent in marriage, a union that reflects the unity between Christ and His church.
Key Biblical Principles for Choosing a Spouse
While the Bible doesn't provide a specific list of attributes to look for in a spouse, it emphasizes certain characteristics and values that align with God's design for marriage. Here are some key principles to consider:
1. Sharing the Same Faith:
The Bible strongly encourages believers to marry within the faith. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" This principle emphasizes the importance of shared spiritual values and beliefs for a successful and fulfilling marriage.
2. Spiritual Maturity:
The Bible emphasizes the importance of spiritual growth in both partners. Ephesians 5:25-26 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and to "sanctify" them, meaning to help them grow in their faith. This principle suggests that choosing a spouse who is already walking with the Lord, seeking to grow in their faith, and demonstrating godly character is essential for a healthy relationship.
3. Character and Conduct:
The Bible highlights the importance of moral character in a spouse. Proverbs 22:1 says, "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold." Seeking a spouse who is known for their honesty, integrity, and commitment to living a God-pleasing life is crucial for building a solid foundation for marriage.
4. Kindness, Compassion, and Love:
The Bible emphasizes the importance of love, kindness, and compassion in relationships. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs. These qualities are essential for building a strong and loving marriage.
5. Respect and Submission:
The Bible presents a framework for mutual respect and submission within marriage. Ephesians 5:22-23 states, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church." However, it is important to note that submission does not mean inferiority or subservience. It is a mutual respect for each other's roles and responsibilities within the marriage.
Practical Considerations for Finding a Spouse
Beyond biblical principles, there are practical considerations that can guide individuals in their search for a spouse.
- Shared Values and Goals: Finding someone who shares similar values and goals for life, including family, finances, and career, can contribute to a strong and harmonious relationship.
- Strong Communication Skills: The ability to communicate effectively, openly, and respectfully is crucial for building trust and understanding in a relationship.
- Compatibility in Personality and Interests: Sharing interests and hobbies can foster a sense of connection and enjoyment together. However, it's also essential to recognize that some differences can complement each other and contribute to a balanced relationship.
- Family Background and Influences: While not determinative, understanding each other's family backgrounds and potential influences can provide valuable insight into their values and expectations for marriage.
Seeking Guidance and Support
The journey of choosing a spouse is a significant and personal one. Seeking guidance and support from others is crucial.
- Pray for God's Wisdom: As mentioned previously, seeking God's guidance through prayer is essential throughout the process.
- Seek Counsel from Mature Christians: Talking to trusted mentors, pastors, or Christian counselors can provide valuable insights and support.
- Be Patient and Trust in God's Timing: The search for a spouse may not happen overnight. Trusting in God's timing and being patient in the process is essential.
Conclusion
The Bible provides a rich foundation for making wise choices regarding who to marry. By seeking God's will, understanding His design for marriage, and applying biblical principles, individuals can navigate this important decision with discernment and purpose. Ultimately, finding a spouse who shares your faith, possesses godly character, and demonstrates love, kindness, and respect will lay a solid foundation for a fulfilling and enduring marriage. The journey of choosing a spouse may be challenging, but with faith in God and the support of others, it can be a journey of growth and grace.
